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A fine - if not utterly incomprehensible - fantasy outing for the ever-honorable Yuen Biao. There's enough wire in this movie to rig a pirate ship. There are hilarious moments (like when the silly master guy rolls himself up into a ball and bounces around the room. No Phish comments, please. Thanks.). There are sad moments (the ol' lover homicide/suicide pact). There are fucked-up moments (the old guy jabbing his own eyes out, the dudes that surf through the forest boob-deep in the ground Bugs Bunny-style, and the old woman who intentionally smashes her skull open on a stone stairway. Ew.). The relationships and the alliances between the characters in this movie somewhat elude me, and will probably continue to do so. All you need to know is that there's a Golden Snake Man and he has a Golden Snake Sword and it shoots laser bolts 'n' shit out of it. Then there's the Sword Stained with Royal Blood, which is barely in the movie, but it also shoots laser bolts 'n' shit, and it also makes water explode.

Apparently.

In this movie, you'll find Snowy Frogs, The Five Poison Sect, Purple Jade Powder, The Cyclone Strike, and Bruce Dickinson's favorite, The Soul Calling Stance. There's also an un-poisonable constable and an undercover princess and a creepy dude with too much makeup on.

They all fight.

Good guy wins.

- Tom, March 2002

NO-SHADOW KICK? Christ, probably?

MONKS?: I'm sure they were in there somewhere. Plenty of eunuchs.

SUBTITLES: Surprisingly good (World Video DVD)

FIGHTING: Nutty.

BEST MOVE: I've got to go with the Cyclone Strike on this one.

BEST LINE: "I can't defeat you, but I can bite you."

WORTH OWNING?: Hell, sure.

SEE ALSO: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Swordsman II